Time for another Democratic Debate! Are you super ready to lose your goddamn mind watching the biggest, most dumbest, all together extra batshit show of your life? Besides Trump’s show, I mean? NO?!
Well, too fucking bad, you get what the DNC gives you, and you like it or else!
On Tuesday night, the top dozen Democratic candidates are set to appear at the party’s fourth 2020 primary debate, set at Otterbein University in Westerville, Ohio, starting at 5 p.m. Pacific. The debate, co-hosted by CNN and the New York Times, will be broadcast on CNN and streamed online at cnn.com and nytimes.com, as well as on the outlets’ apps.
I mean, really. Whose dumbass idea was it to stuff 12 Dems on one stage, not give them ANY weed, and just hope for the best? Tom Perez, if this was your idea, maybe you need to calm down on having ideas from now on, because I haven’t thought much of your ideas since the stupid ass “unity” commission. Boy oh boy, that sure didn’t fucking work at all as far as “unity” is concerned. Yet it did manage to marginalize Black Democrats and alienate Hillary voters, so, at least you got something out of your time heading the DNC, Tom.
Great, thanks a lot for midterms though, I’m just gonna give you some credit for that one thing ever, and that’s it, because you are on my bad side. Uh huh. Now you know. And the way you have set up the debates? You’ll never make it out of Badside-land. You might as well get comfortable.
Speaking of Badside-land, we have 12, yes I said 12 candidates, who will be participating in the debate tonight, and one of them is NOT Marianne Williamson. I just wanted to remind you that the Queen of Emo-Woo is not a real candidate, and as such, people aren’t choosing her name in polls very often. I find this comforting as fuck. As shitty as our nation can be at voting (TRUMP), it seems we are trying to curb the stupider angels of our nature, and I am so fucking here for this no Marianne business. That blatherskite loves to natter on and on about the most strugglesome “love” tommyrot ever heard by anything with ears. Gah. I just think Marianne Williamson is weird as all hell, and I hear she hangs out with Tulsi Gabbard, so… Yeah. No.
On the stage tonight we will have ERRY DAMN BODY ELSE. From left to right on the stage will be; Tulsi Gabbard, Tom Steyer, Corey Booker, Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg, Andrew Yang, Beto O’Rourke, Amy Kloubuchar, and Julián Castro. If you are not on this stage, you are not running for President anymore, okay? Marianne? You needn’t be sad over this. I hear Area 51 still doesn’t have a Queen, please go there, thanks, bye.
We have some other people who will be missing from the stage that Marianne can take to Area 51 with her. Senator Michael Bennet who is nice, yet incredulous, former Rep. John Delaney whose face is like your dad’s when you turned out to be a failure, Montana Gov. Steve Bullock who already has a job and could even get a new one in the Senate. Rep. Tim Ryan who said one good thing I liked one time won’t be there, and neither will former Rep. Joe Sestak who I seem to remember losing Senate races, or maybe I made that up.
I personally believe we still have too many goddamn candidates!! I’m going to be good and refrain from calling Marianne out again because that would be way too many times not to be sexism if I were a man, but I’m just saying I almost trust every man on that stage more than her. Not because she’s a woman, you asshole. Because she believes the movie Avatar is like the holy grail of explaining whatever, I really don’t ever understand her, and that’s fucking unusual. We are both supposedly speaking English.
If you want a simple explanation for what’s happening in America, watch AVATAR again.
— Marianne Williamson (@marwilliamson) October 26, 2017
See? No idea what the fuck she’s talking about. Watched it twice again Nothing. None of that shit explained Trumpass, this stupidest trade war of trade wars, how internet trolls could fuck off an election, aspic, hot dog pie, or people eating mayonnaise on EVERYTHING. Even hot dogs and french fries. Pizza. I’m not watching Avatar again, Lady. It didn’t explain shit.
So, this has been your pre debate explainer, I will write a round-up letting you know who Tulsi kneecapped, who Bernie yelled at, how cool Kamala was, if Auntie Granny Liz ever answered a direct question, how Julian and Biden: Round 2 shakes out, and if I remember anything Pete says. The candidates are getting ready to take the stage and I am getting all my snacks in order, let’s live blog this bitch on Twitter.