Kamala Harris doesn’t appreciate Donald Trump trying to collude with Ukraine in order to interfere in the current Presidential election, and she is calling for some accountability and consequences. She is also calling out the Director of National Security for not meeting his responsibility to hand over Whistleblower complaints to the House and Senate intelligence committees. She sat down with Ali Velshi and discussed her work on the Senate Intelligence Committee and the Senate Judiciary Committee, where she says they have managed to develop a non-partisan working relationship, and they want the Whistleblower complaint released ASAP. Unfortunately for them, Mitch McConnell has the final word on issues the full body of the Senate takes up.
Strangely enough, last evening Mitch McConnell agreed to actually take up a bill forcing Trump to release the Whistleblower complaint. Yes. You read that right. After losing 42 House members in the Blue Wave, it appears that Republicans are finally waking up to the fact that Trump is more like a Nixon than a Bill Clinton, and the outcome may leave some of them in the Unemployment line after 2020.
President Trump was allegedly bargaining aid to Ukraine in exchange for Ukraine going after Joe Biden through his son. Joe, who has long threatened to take Trump back to Highschool so that he can beat his ass behind the Gym, is actually innocent of wrongdoing, he simply has a son who was a member of a board of some Eastern European business; this is a board that he may not really have been qualified to be on. This has not affected the election so far, nor has it affected Biden’s relationship with Trump. Joe still wants to beat him up. Biden, perhaps seeing that the fear of a Scranton Skullbuster made Trump become erratic, made a new offer this summer to instead challenge Trump to a push-up contest. Trump, for his part, has not yet agreed to the “Feats of Strength” that Biden seemingly believes are an important part of the Presidency.
Adam Schiff, from the House Intelligence Committee, is extra excited, you can tell because he used the words “look forward to” in his tweet about the whistleblower seeking to speak to his committee. He usually doesn’t use any optimistic-sounding language when it comes to Trump; no word on if he is interested in some behind the Gym time with the President.
We have been informed by the whistleblower’s counsel that their client would like to speak to our committee and has requested guidance from the Acting DNI as to how to do so.
We‘re in touch with counsel and look forward to the whistleblower’s testimony as soon as this week.
— Adam Schiff (@RepAdamSchiff) September 24, 2019
Ali Velshi, who is awesome, will explain what the entire fuck is going on with Joe Biden and his son.
See? Old Joe probably REALLY REALLY wants to beat his ass behind the school gym now.
Kamala Harris, perhaps having only gone behind the school gym to smoke that joint while listening to the “Sugar Hill Gang” and waiting for Tupac to finish growing up and join Digital Underground so she could listen to him instead, has not yet issued a physical challenge of her own to Mr. Trump. Regardless, she did mention she would “wipe the floor with him,” so I believe it is clear she is not in fear of Trump’s slow and lazy Octagon performance.
I have not heard what Amy Klobuchar has said about challenging Trump, though sources say she would force him to shave her legs in the Rose Garden while bumping Lizzo. Cory Booker abhors violence, so I see why he refuses to issue a fight challenge, though yet another source tells me that Booker’s girlfriend, Rosario Dawson, “could beat Trump’s ass herself” which may indicate why Senator Booker doesn’t believe he has to fight the President.
I have it on good authority that Liz Warren plans to challenge Trump to a walking contest if he ever looks at her funny. Not only does she believe she has what it takes to outwalk him, but she also plans to bring 1lb hand weights and do “Power Fists” the entire time. No word from any sources on Yang, probably because he’s fucking canceled just like Tulsi Gabbard. Gabbard, I have been told, believes she and Pete have already beat him in the physical contest by actually joining the military and not faking bone spurs. I would agree with her, but I do not like her, even though she’s right when it comes to Pete. Beto jumped on 4, 573 chairs and tables just this Summer, so, there was no need to ask my Beto sources about him issuing a challenge, apparently Beto is always in a physical contest with The World. My Castro source simply issued a statement of his own that I will share with you in full:
“Lol, didn’t you see him punch Biden in the mouth?”
This has been your daily Kamala Harris report: Impeachment Edition, join me once a day (or more) right here where I will be satirizing the news for you to make it more better.